So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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