Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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