Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
