i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
