My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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