dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
40s are totally the cure
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
