Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think my moral compass just broke
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
