I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
