Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
