So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
