Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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