Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
