My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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