so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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