i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
