Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
