I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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