I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
