if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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