I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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