omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
