Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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