Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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