You can't motorboat a personality
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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