her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
