Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
