allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
