now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
