oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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