she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
