who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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