If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
