dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
