I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
