The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
