I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
