I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
