I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize