capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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