You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
