My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
