Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
