Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
