What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
