did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
