he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you didnt know i had herpes?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
