Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My life is pants optional.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
