Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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