I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
