My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
