Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
