You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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