we're blogging at a bar
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
