I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
