Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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