Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
