I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
