yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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