I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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