you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
