Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The air taste purple.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
