So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
