You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
