No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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