I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
