Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
