At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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