I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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