***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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