dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
