Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
