Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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