There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
