trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
