I accidentally had phone sex last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
