How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
