Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
