we have officially lost it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
