He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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