i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
